July stands out to most of us because of Independence Day, July 4th.  It has its own feels and smells and sounds associated with the day.  The music is mostly patriotic, which I have always liked, especially the marches by John Philip Sousa.  They are stirring and very distinctive and built around a band that is marching while playing them.  That very straight, incessant beat is also probably the beginning of the pounding disco beat, but who knew? The smells are mostly flowers on the graves of our deceased ancestors and the fallen military.  A very distinctive scent in this context.  The smells are also from the millions of grills set up to barbecue steaks and burgers and hot dogs.  Also very distinctive. And the feeling of the day is mixed.  Joy combined with patriotism combined with sorrow and love.  The family get-together.

July seems to be a month sometimes dedicated to families uniting in picnics or reunions or an excuse for a vacation to come together to reminisce and talk about days gone by, whether good old days or not so good.  If we didn’t do this, we might never see each other or the kids or the grand kids.  So this gives purpose to the whole month.  My own family in its younger years was filled with sunny days and dark days.  Like most families.  Unfortunately our memories seem to get clogged with the darker events which crowd out the really good times.  You would think that the opposite would happen, that the good times would crowd out the storms and floods.  In my younger days in the 40’s and 50’s they come through dark and cloudy.  Maybe that is why I seem to crave rain and dark cloudy days and a cave-like atmosphere.

This period of time, and July itself, also reminds me of my uncles.  All three of them served in World War II.  I know very little about their service other than the fact that they survived.  A miracle in itself.  My dad’s two brothers were both marines, and my mother’s brother was in the army. My father didn’t serve because of a severe burn across his chest. All are now deceased. The only factual information I have is a newspaper report of one uncle in Hawaii during the attack on Pearl harbor.  It said that he was on the tarmac firing his rifle at planes as they flew over.  I’m not sure what the effect was, but he survived the event.  Many did not.  He never talked about it.  My mother’s brother was stationed in Japan after the war.  I know this only from the few pictures that I have of him there in uniform.  He also never talked about this time.  This is another example of memories crowding out other memories.  I’m sure that the sunny days were overcome by the clouds and fumes and gun smoke of the time. No one talked about PTSD then.  They just knew that there was a lot of trouble with the military readjusting to a society which had also changed while they were gone.

My memories of my paternal uncles were of them being loud and curt and under the influence.  They scared the hell out of me.  Nothing was logical or even made any sense. I was young and trying to grow.  They were trying to assimilate.  Nothing was working smoothly.  It has taken many decades to work out these feelings.  Somewhere in the many books I have read about this period of time there started to be a glimmer of understanding.  But how do you begin to understand someone else’s pain and how they deal with it or how it destroys them?  There is a movie from 1946 called “The Best Years of Our Lives” that deals with this problem in a dramatic way that, I’m sure, helped many people of that time to understand.  It must have been popular, it won 8 academy awards including best picture.

I also have a friend from high school who served multiple terms in Viet Nam.  He also survived, but he is in a very different place now.  Survival is a relative term.  The people that were so against the war at that time mistakenly blamed the individual soldier.  In many cases this made re-entering the society of that time to be virtually impossible.  I really hope that we are re-discovering duty and honor and love of our country and the worship of a loving God. When we forget these, we become a mere shell of the country we used to be.  This needs to be reversed.  And the best way is to teach respect to our young.  They need to learn to sing (respectfully), The Star Spangled Banner and God Bless America and many other songs of America that are in danger of being ignored or lost.  It has been said that freedom isn’t free.  We ALL need to work at it.

When I think of June, now that I am a bit older (conservatively speaking), I think of all of the nights I spent playing trombone in bands, combos, night clubs and arenas of all kinds.  Hundreds & hundreds of jobs concentrated over a ten year period of time. And most all of them enjoyable from a playing aspect.  Not much thought usually went into what to wear, it was usually my gig suit, which was a black tux with a black bow tie and a white shirt.   The kind of suit that you could stand in a corner by itself after a while. The other option was wearing one of the jackets from whatever band I was playing with. Either way, not much thought went into my apparel.

The playing also didn’t take much thought.  I would open the book of music (charts), numbered from 1 to whatever,  and get up 3 or 4 songs which someone would count off, and play that way for usually 3 or 4 hours.  Now this involves being able to read music well and sight read even better.  Any player walks into a gig not knowing what exactly what he will play, only that it needs to be played well.  Keys, meters, solos, small ensembles (dixieland), etc. are all part of the experience.  There is a bit of excitement and a bit of risk involved whenever you open the book of music.  A little like contemplating Pandora’s box.  You have to be ready for anything.

As enjoyable as this was, there were hazards to the situations I was in.  Mainly booze and drugs.  A lot of very good musicians fell by the wayside because of these hazards.  They are ubiquitous and, sometimes, your participation is almost expected.  Peer pressure is a very strong influence.  Thank goodness that my interest was not in these impediments, but in the music itself.  It saved me. Also watching others under the influence play with a lesser quality under the influence when they felt that they were playing better than ever was a deterrent.  Such is the seduction of substances that play games with your mind.

Nights in June in the midwest were usually mild, warm, slightly humid, but usually pleasant.  Inside was not always comfortable, especially when there was no air conditioning.  Outside, however, could be cooler and breezier, but with the wind to contend with. Never play in a group outside without clothespins to hold your music!  (This was in a time when there were clothespins practically everywhere).  The wind can be devastating when you are trying to read music at night with a dim music stand light and pages that are blowing up & down.  Some very creative sounds can emerge from the band at that time.

The smell of the outside is also something I remember.  The combined essence of flowers, plants and trees can be exhilarating when you are inhaling deeply in order to sustain long phrases.  (Sometimes you take in air through your mouth when playing, and sometimes through your nose).  This is a personal choice and usually determined by the situation, but circular breathing is always through the nose.  This makes it possible to sustain notes indefinitely, and comes in very handy when playing long phrases in music by Wagner or Sibelius.  (It involves breathing in quickly through your nose while forcing air from your cheeks to sustain the tone).  It takes some practice to be able to use it.

One more memory of playing outside on those June Nights is the incessant sound of insects.  This sound combines with everything else that happens:  music, conversation, or just the silence that would take over if there were no other sound.  This is memorable to me because of the tinnitus that I carry with me.  Neverending, and just nestled there with my memories.

In my experience, May has always been an unsettled month.  The push toward the end of the school year, graduations, holidays.  All of these interrupt normal schedules and routines. Also weather that is unsettled.  Sometimes bright and sunny, sometimes dark and stormy, but usually warm and even hot.

Warmer weather means more outdoor games and sports.  When I was young this meant scouting activities like hiking, camping and scout camp, work on merit badges, campfires and exploring in a woods somewhere out of town.  Boy scouts helped me through some difficult times when I was young.  It became almost a surrogate family experience.  Challenges without judgment or recrimination, striving, learning, growing, being shown how to lead and how to follow.  All of these were a great help later in life, especially in music and bands and choirs.

The month of May always makes me think of parades.  Throughout my school years I participated in parades in many places and in many aspects such as Boy Scouts, marching bands, drum & bugle corps, etc.  They were always long & hot with crowds of people, other bands, floats, various motor vehicles, and always ended at a cemetery with a program of speeches and inspirational messages – also hot, and usually with an assortment of bugs, especially if you were sitting on or near a grassy area.  After taps, when the program finished, we always hunted for the graves and headstones of deceased relatives and close family members. A yearly ritual.  Then a picnic.

The cemetery became a favorite place for me and a few friends to play through grammar school.  It was close to home, quiet, contained mysterious places to explore, and small ponds with weird creatures, algae, and multicolored bugs and insects. The varied sizes and shapes of the headstones made games like hide & seek and tag more fun than usual because of the expansive territory. Best of all, we were never bothered by anyone in charge.  We just climbed the chain link fence and took advantage of our freedom to roam unfettered.  These were times I could think and dream, make up melodies and imagine the instruments that might someday play them.  Beginning arranging & composing. This could go on until either dinnertime which one never missed or twilight (depending on the time of year), which changed the whole dynamic. You DO NOT want to be caught in a cemetery when it is getting dark!  The imagination tends to run wild with bizarre images.  Best not to go there.

May was always a muddle or jumble of activities, but still seemed exciting and refreshing after a harsh winter.  Definitely a time for music and rejoicing and happiness whether it was raining or sunny.  We heard songs that ranged from the sweetness of Mother’s Day to the marches and hymns of Memorial Day.  Styles may change a lot, but the original intent & purpose remain the same:   highlight the day or the moment or the occasion or the season with meaningful words set to musical sounds which move our emotions to a higher plane.

Music helps us to express the inexpressible.  There are many songs that come to mind on these occasions.  But if there isn’t anything that works when you need it, then make one up!  It doesn’t have to be elaborate or complicated or long.  But first, you must turn off your TV, iPod, stereo, boom box, or at least remove your earbuds.  Let the dust settle a bit.  And then invite the appropriate words & sounds to your consciousness.  Creativity usually likes a clean slate and…….quiet……..good luck!

April usually means that winter is gone and spring has at least started the new growth of life that in expected during this time of year.  Not always, but usually this is so.  There is a greening and a flowering and a collection of smells that have been absent for many months.  There is also a rainy spell that accompanies the new growth and makes it possible.  This is the part I most enjoy.    Rain in any form:   rain on a tin roof, rain on a tent, rain on a car roof, even rain on a raincoat when you are safely inside and dry. All of these are inspiring and invigorating to me.

Conversely, I am disappointed when the rain does not appear.  If a drought occurs, it also occurs in me, and I tend to dry out and wither in my psyche unless I find rain or somehow conjure it up.  When desperate,  I do this with movies containing rain scenes, or books that talk about rain.  Or I just imagine situations in which I am soaking wet or at least hearing he sound of rain.  Recordings of rain sort of work, but they become predictable, and rain is always unpredictable.  The rain in any form, I hope, keeps me sane.

The month of April also, normally, contains Holy Week and Easter.  I never thought much about this until I began directing choirs. These holy days are filled with music which reflects the Resurrection, and new life, and hope and love and a lot of other themes throughout the season which ends with Pentecost.  This is actually the easy part.  The difficult part is all of the preparation and rehearsal of the music to be used.  This is also, to me, the exciting part.  Not only finding music that is appropriate and works, but also composing and arranging new music when I can’t find anything published that works for us. But, this always becomes the challenge, and, though I tend to grouse a bit, I look forward to it every year.

April also becomes the end of the first quarter of the year, and this, to me, means that I am looking ahead once again to getting through the summer and into the fall, which is my favorite season of all.  It helps to have something to always look forward to, and when you are planning ahead, this is always the case.  The downside is that the year seems to shrink, and go faster and faster each succeeding year.  These cycles are a part of life itself, and must be either enjoyed or ignored.  I choose to enjoy them.

And after Easter, when everything slows down a bit and relaxes, I find that I can read more books and think a lot clearer and begin to vegetate and gather more ideas for original music and songs. And sometimes these ideas develop well and give me a feeling of satisfaction, and I am marginally content.  And sometimes this leads to happiness.   I tend to play the percentages…

March is sometimes characterized as “in like a lion and out like a lamb,” or vice versa. Either the end of winter or the beginning of spring.  I’ve always thought that this inherent indecisiveness signaled the perfect time to read books.  Lots of books!  And not just the average sized book.  I’ve always preferred large books with very small print which give you a chance to enjoy the environment within the book.  Some of my favorite authors have been: James Fenimore Cooper, Joseph Conrad, Ayn Rand, Alexander Solzhenitsin, Allen Eckart, etc.  All other books e.g. mysteries, spy novels, etc, are fillers between to provide a break or diversion; an abrupt change of mood, scene and environment; a sort of refresher before the next big adventure. This has been a pattern for most of my life, an attempt at order, organization, control, and even sanity when real life intrudes upon the creative process.

There is an exception, however.  The science fiction genre stretches the limits of reason and order and reality, and sometimes pushes the creative process into overdrive.  This is necessary in order to keep from getting bogged down in the past, which is a nice place to visit.  All of the really great science fiction writers have now passed on into the extrapolations of their own work.  Names like Arthur Clarke, Isaac Asimov, Philip K. Dick, Van Vogt, Heinlein, Bradbury, etc. They all expanded the consciousness of many of their readers who have since caused the improbable to become probable or even realized.  Most of the new writing in this genre is fantasy, and it doesn’t serve the same purpose or have the same impact that the original science fiction provided.

The newest science fiction seems to be virtual reality (for the moment), and is still being developed, and our global society is assisting in this development.  But keep in mind that it was the great writers that made this leap ahead possible by expanding our collective consciousness, and it was done for the most part without illegal drugs which are debilitating and ultimately self-defeating. Think of some of the great “druggies” and their accomplishments, and realize how much more they could have accomplished with a fresh and active reality without the illusions provided by the drug of choice. Many of these innovators were and are musicians, writers, and artists of exceptional abilities who became limited either by their choices or their addictions. Both ways are unfortunate.

Creativity is a gift.  It is not to be abused.   Its muse is fickle.  When its door is open, the artist must recognize that it is open and proceed accordingly.  Most of the time there is only one opportunity.  The creative mind must take nothing for granted –  selectively absorbing, like a sponge, that which furthers the art, and, always, always, learning the new songs of life.

February contains two holidays – Valentine’s Day and President’s Day, and, other than a monday vacation in honor of former presidents, Valentine’s Day is by far the most enjoyable.  The theme is love.  Wife, girlfriend, or just fellow world travelers, this love can be expressed in many ways.  Cards of all sizes and shapes, gifts of jewelry or candy (especially chocolate – which I personally dislike), and many other ways in which love can be expressed.  Taking my loved one to dinner is my favorite, usually with a card and a meaningful gift.  (she already gets all of the chocolate that might appear).  Watching a favorite Valentine movie also works – either in a theater or at home.  I never think of flowers (since I dislike them) – they die fairly quickly, so the significance is totally lost for me. But all of these tend to brighten up the month and make life worth living.

February is also midwinter.  When I was young it was always dark and gray and gloomy most of the time, and cold with unpredictable weather. Definitely a month to “get through” as quickly as possible and on into spring.  Whether at school or at work, it is hard to dredge up the energy to focus on projects that take a lot of thought.  An overactive imagination helps, but it can also blur your focus when dealing with the mundane.  A fine line to deal with in February.

In southern California it is supposed to be the rainy season.  Sometimes “it” doesn’t know this and we have a drought, like now.  It can also get very dry also with the low humidity and become a dangerous fire season.  The dry brush just waiting for a spark to appear from anywhere.  When this happens we have thousands of acres waiting to erupt in flames that become out of control almost immediately and then it becomes necessary to pour water on them or some kind of fire retardant so that homes don’t get reduced to ashes.  The whole water problem seems ridiculous to me because we are located right beside an ocean.  Water is plentiful in an ocean.  The only problem is that it is “salt water.”  But we have had many decades to figure out how to economically remove the salt from the water so it can be used on land, and this hasn’t happened.  There must be other priorities or agendae that have made this not happen.  We also need to figure out a more efficient way to put out fires on a mass scale.  Believe it or not, there is still much work to do in our society.

The other side of this coin is mudslides which happen after the fires have removed all of the vegetation, at which time we have heavy and extended rainfall which becomes raging streams of water that urgently seek the ocean, carrying everything in its path.  We seem to be an area of extremes.

Musically, February has always seemed to be a time of planning.  There is Easter and the summer months ahead with all of the festivities that require music which needs to be found, and arranged or composed for the groups that play for these events. For an instrumentalist all of these different groups and events become like a fugue of interwoven events where you change hats, or coats to fit the occasion.  It is what makes “live” music exciting, and we love it!